Thursday, July 13, 2006
It's the end of the road.
Yesterday has got to be the most memorable and heart-wrenching day of my life.My canoeing career has potentially ended yesterday with a knock-out in semi-finals. One and a half years of training gone in a flicker of the light - a Mere two minutes and twenty seconds. Maybe I’m just trying to console myself, but I feel now that at the end of the day, winning is not all that matters. The journey matters more. It’s been beautiful.
My journey started last year in March 2005, where I was a fat, white boy who couldn’t even run for 2 minutes without panting like a boar escaping his predator. Weighing 75 kilos, pull-ups were a total no-no for me. I was a typical loser, and still was when I made up my mind to join Canoeing. Like most of my teammates, I wasn’t one of those hard-core insane fellows who joined Canoeing because I know I’m gonna be able to channel all that fire into it, but more because I just wanted to be fit. More importantly, I wanted something challenging. I was sick of wallowing at the plight of my physical and mental degradation, and decided to get a life, and do something about it. God knows this would be a bloody reality check.
Training was insane, bloody insane. Water trainings were hell for me because I felt darn uncomfortable in a narrow Kayak which I could barely move at free reign. So many times, I just felt like turning my Kayak around and heading back shore. And many times, I headed back to the water again. I did do so for a few times, but every time I did, my time spent on shore was one of bleakness, or regret and shame. I felt stupid. More importantly, I felt that I could have completed the entire training programme. I knew that there was this innate spark in me that wanted to just get a life and move on. To be frank, I think I was the only one who looked forward to land training more than water trainings, just because I was afraid to capsize, to be in water, and be challenged.
The whole fiasco just accumulated, and I swear to God, many times I felt like throwing the towel in the bucket and calling it quits. Thankfully, I had a few peers to lie onto. And these people would eventually formed the bulwark of teammates that I could count on every time I needed a pat on the back. I firmly believe that time, and even now, that everyone thought I was going to quit. But trust me people, I’m one of the many whom most thought would quit by the end of a month or two. I didn’t quit, and those “powerhouses” slowly faded off one by one, allowing people like me to catch up and prove our worth. Within my class, out of the total 3 canoeists, I was the only sole survivor left in it. And I’m proud to have achieved that status.
The point here is, don’t be too quick to pass a judgment on yourself. You will never ever know what happens at the end of the road, and if you devoid yourself of the opportunity that’s presented to you, you will only live in regret. Or maybe in self-denial, because you don’t know what you’ve missed. To me, Studies is an utter bullshit excuse to quit canoeing. It’s the determination that counts, not the externalities. Without a doubt, Canoeing is physically and mentally draining. But it isn’t unreasonably tough to the point that nothing is possible post-training sessions. And I think I’ve proven this point pretty decently, scoring B B C D for Mid-Years.
At the end of the road, I can only look back and smile at myself, feeling so proud of being a CJC Canoeist, and a committed one. Being able to experience all that it has got to offer has been a blast. And a very good one indeed. What you guys taught me, I’ll never forget. Thank you Cher, Mr Hoi and all my awesome teammates for everything. Thank you so damn much.
posted@9:22 PM